Oh, That Wasn't What I Thought It Was...

Yesterday, I came home for lunch and dug a chicken parmesan Lean Pocket out of the freezer.  After two minutes of radiation and one minute of cooling down, I had a compact bread-encrusted hot sandwich of 270 calories. It wasn't bad (which is a backhanded compliment), and my tummy was full. 

So, lunch was a diet success.  

Today, I got the same box out of the freezer, crammed the little sandwich into its weird crisping sleeve, and bombarded it with microwaves.  Nom, nom, nom.

While I was eating it, I realized it looked different from yesterday's Lean Pocket.  The chicken was in chunks and the sauce was actually a red parmesan-like sauce.  The meat in  yesterday's Lean Pocket was sort of shredded and the sauce was cheesier. 

If I had a light bulb screwed into the top of my head, you would have seen it suddenly start glowing. I realized that yesterday's lunch had actually been a ham and cheese Lean Pocket.  Someone (probably my box-compacting mother-in-law) had put two different Lean Pockets in the same box!

Here's the crazy, scary, stupid thing about it:  yesterday, I thought I was eating chicken parmesan, but NEVER KNEW I WASN'T!  That is either a reflection on the quality of food we eat, or it's a reflection of how unobservant I can be.  Neither of those thoughts are good.  What else do I cram into my mouth without really understanding what it is? 

And, you know, it's all tied to processed food.  Never, ever would I eat an apple, but think I'm eating an orange.  Never would I eat a carrot, but think I'm eating a potato.  Never would I eat an artichoke...okay, let's be real, that would never happen...

Processed foods are delicious, but they aren't our friends.  I'm sure some processed foods provide us with nutrients, so I'm not going to label them all as bad, but this chicken parmesan/ham and cheese incident is a big glowing red warning sign.  We need to fill our shopping carts with more foods from the Produce section of the supermarket and less from the freezer. 

Yes, it's more difficult and time-consuming to peel and cook a potato or some carrots, but that's the better choice.  Isn't that what dieting is really about?  We must learn to make better choices.

Maybe, too, I should look at my food while I'm eating it.

H E Double Pretzel Sticks

On Day 2, I packed a sandwich bag of pretzel sticks to take to work.  Two and a half servings (250 calories) to be exact.  I decided on 2 1/2 servings because I hefted it up in the air and it felt right.  I'm all about feeling right, you know.

Today was my first day back at work after being on vacation for a couple of weeks.  Those two weeks were filled with Christmas cheer (aka pies, cakes, candies, egg nog).  I had a lot of cheer. 

Anyhoo...

I packed my pretzel sticks as an antidote to the "first-day-back-stress" I knew that I would have today.  Sometimes, I have trouble getting away from my desk to take a real break, so I wanted something easy and fat-free to grab and stuff into my mouth.  This may seem like self-destructive behavior, but it's actually an improvement.  If I didn't have the carefully hefted pretzels,  I would be likely to throw three quarters into the Fat Pastry Machine and stuff down 500 calories of sweet dough and icing.  That, of course, would need to be chased down by a Mountain Dew.

By the way, I found this article today:  http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/01/mice-no-match-for-mountain-dew/  Who needs cheese and a mousetrap?  Just pop open a can of Mountain Dew. 

Gag, gag, gag.

Now, I'm at the end of my day and ready for bed.  I'm calling today a diet success.  My pretzel sticks were a big help.  I denied a couple of loans, approved a couple more, ate my pretzel sticks and drank an unsweet tea (that's the way I like my tea, so that wasn't a compromise).  The Fat Pastry Machine and the Mouse Acid Drink Machine never got any of my money, and I never put any of their sugary evil into my body.

The Frogman

So, if you haven't guessed it already, I have 80 pounds to lose. I would like to act shocked and mistreated, and throw accusations around that someone else is responsible for this fat hanging on my body. Someone else made me need all these XL clothes. Someone else made all the amusement park rides too small. Someone else made the oxygen too thin when I climb the stairs. Someone else made my jeans too small. Someone else...

Pause...deep breathing...sad face.

But, I know who did this to me. It wasn't someone else. It was me. Just me. I'm the one that kept eating candy, doughnuts, sodas, extra helpings, chips, ice cream, and hamburgers. I'm the one that didn't know when to stop eating such unhealthy and calorie-packed food. I'm the one that gained 5 pounds, then 15, then 30, then (BOOM!) 80! I'm the only one that can lose it, too. The funny thing about being unhealthy is that you do it to yourself, but everyone in your life is hurt by it, too. My kids are hurt when I can't do the active-lifestyle type of things that they want me to do. My wife is hurt when I make it likely that my weight will push me into a heart attack or stroke (and maybe, just maybe, she would like for me to look better, too).

I just looked at a picture taken this New Year's Eve. It is a picture of a big fat frog-man holding my daughter. It has to be a picture of me, but it's not how I thought I looked. I have been fully aware of how much weight I was gaining, but I have deluded myself into believing that I look the same as always. How delusional is that??

Of course, in this Facebook, Twitter, digital camera age, I've been in lots of photos. But, I've turned a blind eye to the Frogman. When he was in a photo, my eyes glazed over, and I focused on my kids, wife, tree, speck of something in the background, whatever I could focus on to avoid seeing myself as I really look.

Here's that New Year's Eve photo. Look at it. Go ahead. I've accepted that the Frogman is really me.

So, there it is. It's simple, but, oh, so hard! I have 80 pounds to lose. Saying "lose" makes it sound like all I have to do is misplace the pounds somewhere. Like, maybe, I could just bag them up and drop them off somewhere.  If only...

But, you know, losing weight is hard work.  I need to stay motivated.  I need to stay enthused.  I need to remember that the Frogman is staring at me in the mirror. 

I have signed up on Sparkpeople. They have an excellent food tracker online (mobile, too - LOVE my Android!). My goal is to lose 80 pounds by October 9, 2012. That's 2 pounds per week, for you math-obsessed people.

I can do that - you're going down, Frogman! You're going down!